What is Self Respect and How I Reached It

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Self respect is known as a person’s individual attitude towards him or her self. It involves a quality that is extremely important for the dignity, confidence and personality of an individual. Some people believe self respect is all about having to do with approval of others; while others believe it is thought at home or within your life. Although many people believe self respect cannot be thought but gained within your self, some people carry it better then others because of their choices in life.
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This comes to show that within time self respect has changed, some have it while others have lost it because of certain reasons. However, I believe it all comes down to how your life has treated you and what are your views in life when it comes to loving yourself and caring for yourself. In my life, Self respect was something I was thought at home. I come from a big family in Chile, South America and my house was full of joy, happiness, respect, everything a happy family can have.

However, ever since I moved to New York at 7 years old my life did a whole 360 change.
I always asked myself why? why did this happen? How did we get to where we are? I hated the fact that my family and I had to start from a new beginning and it wasn’t a great beginning because it was ugly to me and new. All these new experience I had to confront led me to these questions also led me to my belief in self respect.
When I stared school in New York in 7th Grade I was the outcast because I did not speak a word in English, all I knew was Spanish and I felt so ashamed.
I just looked at people and smiled because that was all I could’ve done. I thought to myself many times why people wouldn’t bother to speak to me in Spanish as I knew they did speak some Spanish, but I never understood why they all will ignore me. I started to think everyone was ignoring me because I was overweight, as all the girls in my classroom where skinny and I was the “biggest one”. I was so shocked because I used to think to myself how can “kids” act this way towards me without knowing who I am. I used to sit in a table of 4 and none of them will speak to me or even try to help me.
I was so depressed I did not want to go back to class the following days. I missed my country so much and all I will think was of my old friends who wouldn’t care how I looked or what language I spoke, so then I started loosing respect for myself. I was the “new girl.” for months; I didn’t have a group so I started to ignore my values in hopes of finding one group of friends where I’d belong. I started to act like them a little bit, but each time I acted like “them” I felt horrible and guilty inside. It just didn’t feel right because I knew I wasn’t raised that way and deep down I knew it was horrible to have attitude and be mean to others, but I was desperate to be liked.
When changing my behavior didn’t work, I turned to the name brands I had never cared about before. But all I thought of was if I could just have as many pair of Jordan Sneakers and matching shirts and belts as the other girls I knew it would fall into place from there. But I didn’t. I never realized that all I ever had to bring to the table was my self, because who wants to be friends with someone who is fake? Years passed and I grew up. Although I still have trouble staying true to myself. It’s hard to pretend like I don’t care what others think about me because I always do.
Opposition is everywhere around me. I can go to social media and see all these models or regular girls each one featuring girls that look like clones dressed exactly the same or competing who dressed better. I walk in college campus and see the identical pair of uggs boots four times. Sometimes I feel like I should stop trying to look more like the models and dress like everyone else. But it’s really hard to be a unique individual because everyone looks at you funny or like you don’t belong “there”. It often seems easier to be like everyone else or what is popular at the moment.
I still work hard in believing it is my genuine personality and ideas that define me, not my exterior. Sometimes I have to catch myself before I say or do something because most of the time I am thinking of the negative things people thinks of me then the good things in me. I finally freed myself from dark cloud of pretending to be like others. I couldn’t stand the feeling of being unhappy within myself all the time, or hating my self because I didn’t look like other girls did. I finally met some new friends, boyfriend and gained even a two year old son and got my life back. Not only did I get my life back, but I also regained my self respect. Self respect lifts you up and gives you pride, pride to stand on your own two feet. My self respect is what brought me back to being and feeling great.

Geraldine Bates

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