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People do not like to listen. People like to talk. They especially like to talk about themselves and what they think. People also do not like to be told they are wrong. These statements are not universal but are broadly true for most people in most situations. More to the point, if someone has made it to the point where they require mediation or conflict resolution it is a safe assumption that these statements can be accurately applied to them. Similarly, most people are bad at arguing. Many people who are bad at making arguments still enjoy doing so and are determined to win any given argument, especially arguments about an issue of personal importance. All of these things together contribute to way conflicts come about in the first place and are a big part of how they escalate. Successfully resolving a conflict as opposed to winning it requires changing tactics.
“In trial, litigants address juries in their opening statements and final arguments. In mediation, advocates need to establish a two-way dialogue with the other parties by talking with them. Dialogue is facilitated by active listening” (Repicky, 2011) Mediation, or at least successful mediation, is fundamentally about bringing parties into willing and sustainable agreement. Starting from a given position and arguing with one or both parties involved is a combative tactic. Active listening defuses conflict by promoting both understanding between the parties in a conflict and just as importantly promoting the perception that all parties’ grievances are understood. Both of these are necessary to reaching a mutually agreeable settlement, or at least a compromise that leaves everyone involved equally unhappy.
Works Cited
Repicky, Thomas. (2011, June). How to Talk and Listen Effectively in Mediation. Retrieved from http://www.mediate.com/articles/RepickyT1.cfm
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