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Hello, Atish, and welcome to NetTutor! My name is Terry G, and I am happy to review your essay.
Strengths:
The essay has a good start with an introduction providing a relevant background to the essay topic followed by a thesis statement
presenting the information to be explained in the following paragraphs. Good job!
Suggestions:
While writing the body paragraphs, you want to explain why you have distorted perception of yourself and why your self worth
relies on others, and how you will explain it to be this way. Also, you want to write why you rebel and behave negatively when
forced to an identity by your parents.
Further, you want to be sure to write the topic featured in the thesis statement and that is to explain in that paragraph, in the topic
sentence itself. Other information can be written further to explain and to support that topic. Also, it is not clear what you mean by
role confusion and feelings of identity in the essay; what professional help your parents had provided you; what expectations they
have from you for future; how professional and parents’ support help you devoid negative traits and obtain positive traits, and what
positive traits you obtained in yourself.
At last, the conclusion of the essay will present the summary of the whole discussion to take the readers back to the main
information of the essay.
I have marked one-two instances of and grammar errors in the essay. Those comments will help you locate and fix other similar
errors. You can also submit a second draft of the paper, but be sure to mark it as a second draft. Thanks for using NetTutor!
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