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Professor’s Notes:
I’d like to see you carry your thesis through the body paragraphs more clearly. As you develop each point in the body paragraphs, you need to draw evidence from multiple sources . As the essay stands, you rely heavily on Pattanayak without bringing the authors into conversation with one another.
If you choose to revise, focus first on your body paragraphs. Begin by identifying a clear focus for each body paragraph, and present that focal claim in the topic sentence. Then, draw evidence from multiple sources to support and develop each paragraph’s central claim.
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