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Professor feedback: you must include a discussion of gender for a passing grade. I would like you to show — not tell — some of the stories. How can you develop your writing? How can you use more details and memories to better put your reader in your experience? Use your five senses. Reveal some of your inner dialogue surrounding these memories. You also could work on organization by developing your shorter paragraphs. These suggestions would make your writing stronger. Please also proofread your paper to remove capitalization, comma, and grammatical errors.
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